What's Fish Got to do With It?

On the day that my sister Iyefu died, my mom and her shared a piece of fish. Iyefu had declined the fish originally. But when my mom's was brought out to her it looked really tasty and Iyefu asked her if she could have some. My mom said no at first, grumbling at her the way she always did. It was their love language. My mom relented of course as they both knew she was going to and after someone brought out another plate my mom gave her a generous portion of her fish. They sat in companionable silence, eating that fish.

After they were both done, they sat some more, each lost in their thoughts but settled in each other's essence. Then, my sister got up. She gathered up the empty plates and as she went up the step leading into the hallway from the living room where she'd been, she turned to my mom and said "Thank you."

I wasn't there but like a movie reel on continuous play, that scene has played over and over in my head. Did she know, as she said "Thank you" that it was the last thing she would say to my mom? Did she know that it would be the last time she would walk down that hallway? Did she know as she sat with my sisters and cousins in the kitchen, laughing, that there was where her life as we knew it on this earth would end?

I recognize that there is a certain amount of torture involved in questions of this nature; questions for which the answers simply do not exist; or at least not until we are gathered in our final celestial home. Will we remember to ask them then? Or will the questions that seemed so important fall into insignificance in the light of the eternity that my sister now lives?

I keep comparing the fish with the miracle of the fish and five loaves. And then go immediately to Lazarus and like Martha continue to moan "Lord, if You had been here, my sister would not have died."

Since Iyefu died, I like many when dealing with the loss of a loved one, have played many alternate scenarios. Ones in which we breathe a collective sigh of relief as Iyefu comes through surgery, treatment; whatever miracle cure God sought to provide us. Ones in which we pledge everything, give up the world Lord, just don't let my sister die.

Yet, He did.